So I’ve been sitting here in the student center for two and a half hours, been thinking about writing the whole time. I just haven’t done it. I don’t know why but sometimes, especially when it’s been a really long time, I get so much anxiety about writing. Like no matter how much I want to, I’m not able to actually make my fingers hit any of the keys on the keyboard to produce words.
Ever have so much to say that you literally can’t say anything? Pretty much what’s going on here in my head, only it’s so bad that I can barely even think straight.
For the past three and a half weeks my life has consisted of working full time at the Doctor’s office as a medical receptionist, going to school and doing my homework (just an English class for now), being so exhausted that I nap every chance I get, and trying to remember where I put this damn set of pink wool dreads that I made and wore for a little bit over the summer. SERIOUSLY, they have disappeared and I have no idea where the hell they could be.
The job is so fantastic though! It feels so natural there and everyone is very nice and helpful. Most of the time. I have people I prefer to not work with but hey, that’s anywhere you go and anything you do in life. I love that I have to wear scrubs. It makes getting ready in the morning so easy. I think the morning part is what’s killing me though, I’ve NEVER been a morning person and while I don’t dread going to work, I have this subconscious fear of getting out of bed and being cold and having to deal with things. I have to set five alarms every morning, so that I don’t over sleep. even with them, there’s a chance though. Forever craving those five extra minutes. Eternal fear of over sleeping.
Class is on Tuesdays from noon until three so it isn’t as bad getting up for it. I think I’m actually starting to adjust to waking up early. THANK GOD. I would really like to be able to stop taking naps every night. I also have to learn how to go to bed before it’s midnight and I look at the clock and say ‘oh shit it’s midnight, I have to sleep NOW’… Which I admit would be easier if I would stop taking the naps….ANYWAYS, we started our first paper yesterday and it’s a causal analysis. I’m going to be honest here and say that I had no fucking clue what that was before I read about it in chapter 14 of my $60, unbound notebook. My thesis is ‘there are many causes to crocheting being therapeutic…or relieving stress’ I haven’t decided exactly how to word it yet. I actually came here to work on the paper but seeing as I had so much ‘writers block’ about just writing a journal entry, I figured that I had to get this out of the way before I’d be able to properly write a paper. Actually I came here to drive Lauren to class because she got two wisdom teeth pulled today and she’s on pain meds..But I had good intentions! I have a week though. I can do this, I already have the outline partially done. I’m not too worried about it.
Other than these things absorbing all my energy, life has been pretty chill lately. My new(ish) car is running great. I spun out a few weeks ago, but I didn’t hit anything! It was TERRIFYING but I survived. Refused to drive for the rest of the weekend, but luckily Rodney loves me enough to come pick me up and drive wherever we need to go. Which just happens to be nowhere because we are broke as a joke. Rodney is doing really well too. He’s been looking for a full time job because work with his Dad has been really slow and inconsistent lately. Plus, he will need to show income if we are going to get our own place. Which we are planning to do by spring or summer. Once I’m out of my 90 day period at work, so essentially, when I’m eligible to enroll for the insurance they offer, we can start looking. Hopefully he will have something better come along by then too. We’re so ready to move on with our lives. Or move out with our lives. I miss coming home to him everyday and sleeping next to him every night.
So I think the key to this writing consistently again, is to just write in the moment, and not worry about writing about every little thing that has happened since the last time I wrote.