Where Is All My Time Going?

Don’t Ask Me What I’m Knitting.

 

This is a link to my craft blog. My friend and I have been in the process of merging our two craft business into one legitimate business over the past year. My store was called Two Cups Of Tea and hers was called The General’s Things so we sort of merged the names and came up with The General’s Tea. She does sewing and quilting, and I mainly do crochet. I’ve been trying to think of some simple sewing patterns to do as well, but I’m sort of terrified of messing them up and wasting all my precious fabric that I have collected over the years. I’ve been putting all my time and effort into merging our things online and recreating a FB page for us and buying the domain name for our blog and actually trying to still get some progress done on the ten thousand crochet projects I have unfinished right now. All while working about 50 hours a week between my two jobs with a broken down car. So yeah, Life is kind of hectic right now, but at least I’m keeping myself busy.

Here We Go Again

I’m never sure where to start when it’s been this long since I’ve written last.
I guess I will try to think of something to write about and try to post something tomorrow.

Time For Bed

So in my new spreadsheet, I have that I want to write in my journal everyday.

I originally had every intention of writing in an actual little book everyday, but I don’t think that is realistic for me right now because the thought just kind of makes me shut down and think of anything else I could be doing. So for now, writing in a journal is going to mean making an entry on here. Or if I need to get personal and let all of the crazy out maybe I’ll just open word pad and save it on there. Something about my handwriting and being picky about how letters come out looking and not being able to write fast enough just makes a real journal not able to happen. But now I know that I have another goal to work towards. Not being afraid of writing in a journal. Tomorrow I am calling around to try and find a therapist to start seeing. I’m obviously not doing well again. I’m happy though, which makes it different than before. The depression isn’t severe but the anxiety is. If that even makes any sense, I’m not sure if what I’m intending to say is actually shining through, it’s 2 in the morning after all.

I did everything on my check list other than crochet because my hands are kind of hurting today and I just wasn’t feeling the creative inspiration. I did my set yoga routines for Monday and my hips feel a ton better. Can’t let that daily goal start slipping since it’s actually physically good for me. Ok, so words aren’t coming out so smoothly right now and I’m tired of hitting the backspace button, so I shall say goodnight for now.

Marching Through Anxiety

In an attempt to try and fight my anxiety, as it starts to escalate again, I’ve made myself a spreadsheet.

It’s ridiculous, as I have to put simple things on there like, showering and brushing my teeth.

The thing with my anxiety though, is that I start to think of all the things I have to do, and then I get like, paralyzed and I’m not able to do anything without panicking. Time is a huge trigger for me and I always feel like I’m running out of time, or that there isn’t going to be enough time.

I want to be able to do all things I want to do and not be disappointed in myself for not getting anything done. Because from the outside, it just looks like I’m the most incredibly lazy person you have ever seen. On the inside though, I’m having huge issues and fighting myself.

It’s only the second day of doing my spreadsheet, but I think it’s helping. Every time I get something done from my list, I get to put an ‘X’ next to it. If I don’t get it done, I put a reason why I don’t get it done, or I put an arrow and move it to another day. Like yesterday I had people over and then we went to Monster Jam, so I didn’t have time to wash the bed sheets. I moved them to today and I’ve already got them in the washer.

It just feels really rewarding to get an ‘X’ next to something. I might have to come up with some sort of reward system for myself, like if I do really well all week then I can buy myself lunch at work instead of packing one. I may wait until crossing something off the list doesn’t feel as satisfying though.

Love Love Love

 

Ok, since valentines day is around the corner and then right after that is our two year anniversary, it’s time for a boyfriend appreciation post.

I don’t know where I would be without this man (or manchild as I like to call him sometimes). He has done so much for me over the past two years. He has helped me grow as a person into someone that I actually can be proud of. He has helped me overcome and deal with my anxiety and depression and even though he doesn’t always understand how I am feeling, he’s always there to just hold me and be supportive until I’m feeling better again. Right now he’s out there working on my piece of crap car, again, and I can’t even begin to verbalize how grateful I am to have him in my life. He loves me so much and it’s so amazing to have someone that loves you so much that you can feel it, even when they aren’t around. He has been the best big brother to my two sisters, so much so that I think they actually would trade me for him any day. It’s crazy to know that you have found someone who see’s the same future as you do. We agree on most things too, and the stuff we don’t agree on, we talk out and compromise and respect each others opinions. I could go on and on about how amazing he is, but above all, he is my best friend.

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